Soo let me begin, with: me — $!MON; I was trafficked as a elementary student for sometime. My witch of a maternal unit kept trying to groom me to be something I was completly opposed to. It was either: a) listen, or b) have your fingers bemd so far back you’d think they were going to break. A little more about Marisol Morales — may she rest in torment n torture if Legion is just.
Marisol would drug me in the mornings w narcotic myscle relaxers. Marisol once fed me Pine Sol in my cereal right after gifting me Dr. SUESS books the night before. I had no clue what was going on, other than: I kept throwing up and getting sick. She tried teaching me how to make rice n carne guisada — still favorite meals to this day, bc its soo soft when you eat it. She wouldn’t bring meto the hospital during the Winter months when I had a cough, ear ache, and couldn’t breath bc of severely chronic asthma. I thought I was going to die on a regular basis. Marisol Morales would find things to argue about just so she could back hand me with the hand that held her tiny — yet, sharp — diamond ring. I regularly had a bloody lip. This bitch wouldn’t even buy me new clothing, but, when I did get new clothing “mysteriously” there would be dirt stains on them. I lived this way for years. Then when I became a tween, she bought me a video game platform.. and .. you guessed it: I paid for it through traffic credits. I was soo afraid, in shock, and scared. The type of things I had to do was completely in opposition to my authentic self. She would even “surprise” me with incest, which I immediately disapproved of. When she kept realizing this she would argue w my paternal unit.. who, you guessed it: just had to try his hand at the “new something” in the middle of the night with whoever would be available or visit. My childish developing mind was not exposed to the realities of the situations, which I had to mentally fight through the pain, shame, survivors guilt, bargaining explosive anger, and ptsd as a young middle aged adult. Ergo, last month. Hi, im $!MON & I just turned 37.
Thank the goddz that both of my parental units died a horrible n scary death. Paternal took a bullet to the dome — or, so I was informed. Marisol Morales had a hole in her heart that eventually led to her death — ironic, and poetic justice im sure as she probably woulda used Pinocchio as fire wood. Thats how cruel n unusual she was. She did things on PURPOSE and ENJOYED what she did. She would specialize in psycho-fear tactics. I would specialize in body expression & tonal photo memory to keep my spirit n my body safe and within homeostatis. This stupid bitxh lived off of welfare her whole life and b4 she died actually cried to me about “oh, I don’t think I’m ever going to meet another man, in my life.” Well good riddance puta .. karma is a bitxh and youre lookin like lunch.
What gets me is how young I was. She just did-not-care for normalized boundaries or societal reasons for showing respect .. to anybody.. not just her child POWMIA. Marisol Morales would actually start fights and then play the “im in a gang” card .. which, made me feel disgusted, afraid, annoyed, and super angry — as an adolescent I would redecorate the empty (my room was always empty; her room always had furniture, cable, tv, and food that she hid from me while i starved at elementary/middle/high school. She is and was cruel and unusual to an ignorant kid who wrote every year during standardized testing about: the Pope, God, war, fami e, peace, and compromise amongst global citizens. Crazy.. i was in the Honour Society until the beginning of the 6th grade. In high school I was a B+ Student who never studied, barely stood awake, and paid little mind to my instructors .. but i was Supreme w my creative attention to details of institional concepts, policies, n boundaries. Eventually, my work allowed me to speak to the President of the United States a few years before I studied at UCONN.
The title of this post is: Sexuality is Fluid. Despite all the repressed horror n thriller I lived and experienced: i still thouroughly enjoy sex n masturbation. Critical spice of life for me, miight i say [heh – ‘;^)] .. but today is a different day.
Its August 9th 2026 .. or, 8.9.2026 — I’m coining today as “judgement option: eighty nine day.” For years I would torment myself: does enjoying sex that usually girls take apart in make you less of a guy — meaning, could I still be a man full of integrity n respecto if I liked anal sex. Hm.. for a long time I just ignored and downplayed everything — even crying in silence at how low i felt bc I was so in the dark about: boundaries, norms, and a bunch of other stuff. But, today — Judgement Option: eighty nine day,” I finally embraced what I kiinda knew for all these years. Part “idgaf” what society says about my “bubble” part “it feels good soo ‘so what’..” today I’m coming out as bi-sexual. I mean, im weighing heavy on changing my body so that — licks lips — my gender and body would reflect a more female spirit. Eventually, im getting male to female surgery and will live a Tranz Lifestyle .. for years I would say to myself “ima be a Lezbian” and ditch guys.. but lately my mind has been going through healing and awakenings. Soo, what am I teying to say — says the former child sex worker..
I mean, definitly going trans and 95% of my time will be looking for girls who like guys w female plumbing n Lady Chest .. in addition to — and I love this part: futanari’s .. meaning, girls born as female but have guy genitalia down stairs (oh my g.. im so elated right now. Cannot wait to meet a Futa .. Lord have mercy..). But, I feel awake and i mean, i do have a very “laid back, mello, ‘yeah, lets do it: why not — right?” Vibe n mentallity to life. Soo.. this morning, while riding the 215bus to the Library of the Future here in Las Vegas .. i have agreed with myself that: hey if theres a guy who likes me & wants to have sex then im down .. im calling it a “sympathy fuck” but this key unlocks the doorway to a brand new world only AFTER I’ve explored my mind, body n spirit w girls first. See despite all ive been through i call myself a virgin bc ive never been in an actual relationship.. ive fucked hoes but thats like playing Space Invaders at the arcade.. a moment in time that feels good that you wanna always go back to but cant bc you got work in the morning. I dont think a female has ever hugged me or romanced me. Ive never lived with a female who dedicated her life to “coming home to Simon.” Weird .. but im not going to sacrifice my “firsts” w some dude who — lets be real — lives n breathes only “for one thing.” Its hardwired in a guys lizard brain to be this way, im sure — and idgaf about your pc comments .. youre in my bubble now — .. but yeah.. idk how long ima wait.. if i can be in a relationship for 6-8 or like 12 years .. thenn mayyybe i’ll give a sympathy fuck to some good looking dude.. but im in no rush.. no hurry to give it up to a guy.. i amm getting impatient w how single i am and how long its taking for me to get tranz surgery.
If i dont meet the right females n i dont fuck how i wanna suck n fuck im just gonna join the priesthood. Lifes not worth living n dying alone so.. i got options.
But, there is hope. I feel more at ease with admitting im like 95% straight n 5% bisexual. Its cool. Ima claim bisexual now but not put it to good use until wayyyy later n thats if im in a good mood n down for a threesome.. or mayne not a three some.. i dont wanna see some guy fuck my lady.. but i am open to two guys fucking me. Thays just the way it iz.. n im happy about that. Who knows .. maybe when im older i’ll submit ameture porn to some sites.. idgaf at the moment so possibilities are endless. But, if i dont get the female relationships i want .. i know ima die alone n that .. THATS not in my play book. So ima go back to work, get some college degrees, buy WeGovy & cut weight.. get real lean n suck some futa dick when i get the chance.. might let her cum on my face too.. who knows.. who knows .. only karma and the godz will know..
Annd those are my 2 cents.. c’est la vi.. oh n everyone.. dont all line up at once haha please.. i need 4 to 10 days to recover and be in the mood. N trust, i amm a work horse n i have a thing for putting monz venus n things in my mouth .. like, i chew straws n bite my nails bc it feels good.. really good.. but, if its all jus me doing the heavy lifting ima get sad, angry, sad agin then take all my cookies back n go live on the moon where i can watch porn in paz.
Luvv yu!_! -simon4istg@proton.me
Shout to all the freshly graduated collegiates n super girls n futaz .. yah jus my type..
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